Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Creative Unfocus

Melissa Gaggiano Photography

Do you have any idea? Even the tiniest speck of a notion of what it feels to be so incapable of starting something and just sticking to it without immediately moving on to the next amazing, brilliant thing? I have inside my massively over driven, high octane, restless brain a billion and one thoughts and ideas screaming and chanting at me every day, every hour [and most especially at 3 o’clock in the morning] all striving for my attention. With each brain fart becoming louder than the next.
Okay, so? You’re creative.
Yes, I am creative. A creative mess, that is! So help me goddess, I am absolutely hopeless with sticking to just That One Thing and becoming sublimely fabulous with that outlet, whether it be drawing, painting, photography, writing, violin, making dolls, knitting, DIY learning French for Dummies. And so I travel from one creative village to another hoping to find a place to call home. And there are times when I think I have found it, but the next day a new wind blows and beckons me on to the next project. I feel like I am living the story of Chocolat.
Just accept that you haven’t found your thing.
Don’t say that. That’s not helping. Don’t you understand the dome of paralysis I am living under? My frenetic journey, as I dash from one activity to another, is enough to drive anyone crazy, even you, you annoyingly calm, reasonable person. Some days I am so driven to distraction that my mind completely seizes up and I am incapable of making a single decision. On days like that I wind up staring at my navel completely paralysed by the choices before me. I am just so scared of making the wrong decision. I am even more terrified of making the right decision, if you can even fathom that paradox.
What do you want to do about this?
You can help me make a decision. What do you think I excel at?
I don’t know. Maybe you can focus on the drawing.
Are you crazy? But what about the writing? Or the photography? I might be missing my true calling if I don’t do those things. And then… and then…
And then what?
I have to lie down. I think my brain just fell out the back of my head.